Christmas Etiquette

Susie Barber
13 hours ago
5 min read

Updated: 10 hours ago

With Christmas looming ever closer, it’s all too easy to bury your head in the sand—avoiding the swirl of decisions about invitations, spending limits, and family arrangements. Yet, as any seasoned festive host knows, improvisation rarely delivers a seamless holiday. The season brings a complex tapestry of social demands: children to delight, elderly relatives to consider, friends to include, and traditions to uphold. Without careful planning, the risk isn’t just a forgotten gift or a missed party, but a festive period tinged with disappointment and stress. Instead, embrace the opportunity now to orchestrate your Christmas, ensuring every loved one feels valued and every detail is thoughtfully considered. A little foresight will transform potential chaos into a celebration marked by warmth, generosity, and joyful connection.

So now is the time to bite the bullet and think about the following:

Christmas Day Arrangements

While some of us are lucky enough to have uncontroversial families and straightforward plans for the big day, many of us have to juggle complex priorities. You might be divorced and therefore forced to negotiate access to children, have elderly parents or be dealing with illness or bereavement.

All these factors can make Christmas fraught, but you will relieve your own stress and the anxieties of everyone involved if you confront the situation now. Talk to friends and relations, explain the dilemmas, and express willingness to accommodate and be flexible. Sometimes Christmas arrangements involve considerable tact and diplomacy; carefully listening to other people and encouraging them to tell you what they really want is always a good start.

If you must decline to invite someone or anticipate disappointing them, act promptly and with kindness. A courteous phone call or a thoughtfully composed email explaining your circumstances demonstrates respect and consideration. Providing advance notice allows potential guests time to make alternate arrangements, which is both thoughtful and in keeping with good etiquette.

By locking down your arrangements for the big day, you can start thinking about other important issues.

Present Pitfalls

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Many of us find the gift-giving aspect of Christmas especially perilous, either tying ourselves in knots of indecision or throwing too much money at the problem in a state of last-minute panic.

Now is the time to have honest discussions with friends and relations about the whole gift-giving dilemma. You might find that older relations are happy to arrange a gift-giving amnesty and concentrate their firepower on younger family members. Or you might be able to negotiate a mutually agreed price ceiling for family gifts or even opt for a Secret Santa arrangement.

If you’re really beginning to feel agitated and uninspired, you can always solicit ideas from your family and honestly explain that you’re out of ideas and in need of assistance. But if you do decide to go down this route, don’t turn the tables on the poor recipient and torment them with requests for gift ideas. If you ask and receive an immediate and decisive response, that is helpful; if you don’t, no amount of nagging and pleading is going to solve your problem, and it will just make everybody feel grumpy.

Don’t leave present shopping until the last minute, which is when disastrous decisions are made. The magic of giving is inevitably somewhat tarnished by the experience of panic buying on Christmas Eve, so make it a bit easier for yourself by starting the whole process well before Christmas.

Remember, it’s always a good idea to equip yourself with contingency presents, just in case you’re nonplussed by an unexpected gift. A supply of soaps, chocolates, liqueurs, etc., will be useful in case of emergencies.

Peripheral Socialising

Christmas is party season, and you may well find many demands on your time as you approach the holiday. If you want to host your own party or social gathering, you really need to consolidate arrangements as soon as possible, or you will find yourself disappointed by the number of people who are already committed elsewhere.

Make sure you don’t over-commit yourself in the run-up to the big day. A week of protracted pre-Christmas partying can sap you of much-needed energy and enthusiasm, especially if you’re hosting. Sit down well before Christmas and make a note of really important dates (e.g., the children’s nativity play, the school carol concert, the office party, drinks with the neighbours) and structure socialising around these important milestones.

Expert Guidance from Susie Barber

As you shape your Christmas celebrations, one of the first things to consider is the number of meals and guests you’ll be hosting. My advice, honed over years of festive gatherings, is to plan each meal thoughtfully, factoring in both your culinary strengths and the preferences of your guests. Make a comprehensive list of what you'll serve at every occasion, and don’t forget to calculate how much drink you’ll need to keep spirits bright.

Christmas hosting can quickly become overwhelming, even for seasoned pros. My golden rule: rely on tried-and-true recipes that you know will deliver. This is not the time to test ambitious new dishes. Instead, select meals that can be mostly prepared in advance or are simple enough to assemble with minimal fuss. This approach will free you from the kitchen, allowing you to truly engage with your loved ones and be present in the moment.

It’s easy to fall into the trap of becoming a martyr to your own menu—laboring over every detail, refusing assistance, and unintentionally making guests feel like a burden. Trust me, no one enjoys a host who is stressed or resentful. Welcome offers of help, delegate small tasks, and keep the atmosphere light.

Relax and Enjoy the Season

A successful Christmas hinges on your ability to remain relaxed and adaptable. Detailed planning isn’t about creating a rigid timetable; it’s about building a flexible foundation that can withstand the inevitable surprises—whether it’s a last-minute guest, a sudden cancellation, or an unexpected bout of illness. When your plans are solid, you’ll be able to handle these shifts with good humour and grace, ensuring your Christmas remains the highlight of the year.

—Susie Barber

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year

Sincerely

Susie Barber

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